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Some songs included with the festive season

The twelve times of Christmas

(... or "Don't keep having me photographic stuff")

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love issued me...

Twelve filters filtering

Eleven tripods holding

Ten eliminates flashing

Nine models posing

Eight relates to a-gripping

Seven hoods a-shielding

Six marriages booking

Five D-SLRs

Four camera bags

Three photograph mags

Two shutter lags

And successful in every photo comp

Jingle Bells

(... or "I don't want to be doing this")

Dashing ones snow

Along a muddy track

O'er the one fields I go

Camera inner surface my back

Rain and frigid and ice

Will never end desire

My friends - which is often very nice

- Are sitting inside a fire

Oh, snap, snap, sneeze

Snap, painting, sneeze

Coughing all the way

Oh what fun my could have

If I wasn't snug like they

Twas the night time before Christmas

(... or "If anything could go wrong, it will")

Twas the night before Christmas

And with the place

A photographer wandered

To catch Santa's face

He'd prep his tripod

And cocked up his shutter

When he heard for that chimney

A cough and online videos splutter

He steadied his camera

And recharged his gun

For the very best of all candids

In life he previously done

With a soot impair of blackness

Down Santa harry came

The photographer pounced

A astonishing image his game

But produce a lens he discovered,

As you saw Santa's foot,

Had poor optic properties

- i thought this was covered in soot